Keira, my much beloved brother in law had, at the age of 52, a sudden increase in his various anxiety issues, to the point where he could no longer drive and even being driven was a torture session for him. He had been a tool and die maker, and had been making some income from his own shop, where he made specialty screws and other connectors for manufactures who needed just a few hundred of something they couldn't get off the shelf. He also did a lot of wood working. Beautiful bowls and such. That and my sister's work kept them above water. Suddenly he couldn't do that any more--all the things that could go wrong swarmed his mind and crippled him.

Understand that he was a country boy who worked hard with his hands in huge factory machine shops his whole life. Now suddenly he was having massive panic attacks. And they couldn't afford a doctor.

I honestly believe Obamacare saved his life. If it had gone on much longer the humiliation he felt might have been too much for him. With meds, he can drive and rarely has more than mild anxiety.

My point is, your brain chemistry can fuck you up. That is nothing to be ashamed of. It would be like being ashamed of having blue eyes. It is, basically, a birth defect. You aren't alone. People can hid these issues better than some things, and you may think you are the only one. You aren't. I'm proud of you for having the strength to get rid of all those receipts. I know how hard that sort of thing can be. I hope it is easier next time.