keiramarcos: (Default)
You see, it's like this. Cock Provider fucking loves Cranberry Sierra Mist. The problem is -- it's a seasonal drink and you can only really buy it in the stores in the fall (in my area). It's also stocked in small amounts and sells out quickly. It's really annoying. Today, I was grocery shopping and I went to check to see if they had any (they hadn't had any in a week or more) and they had 4 twelve packs left and they were on sale so I could get all four for 10 bucks. Very cool, huh? So I start putting them in my cart and I get to pack number 4 and this man reached for it at the same time but I already had my fingers in the little carry hole-thing. So I picked it up and put in my cart. He huffed at me really loud. This is what happened next:

Dramatic Huffing Man: I wanted that.

Your First Lady of Porn: I got to it first.

Dramatic Huffing Man: You had three in your cart already-- you should give me the fourth one.

Your First Lady of Porn: No, I'm getting all four.

Dramatic Huffing Man: A good Christian would share.

Your First Lady of Porn: I'm not even a Christian so fuck off.

I walk away. He follows. Huffs and tries to talk to me again. He follows me all the way to frozen foods where I'm trying to navigate around three thousand (okay -- just five) people to get to the frozen french fries.

Dramatic Huffing Man: Just give me the fourth one or else.

(WOW -- I must have an asshole-magnet in my ass. I swear OR there are a lot of men who really can't handle being told no by a woman)

I turn and stare at him.

Your First Lady of Porn: OR else what, exactly? Are you going to take it from me? Are you going to report me to the manager of the store for failing to bow down to your old white dude entitlement? Are you going to call the cops and tell them I'm not giving you what you want? Seriously, just what do you plan to do?

He huffed twice and stalked off while every one around just stared. But, I'm a bitch so I couldn't let him walk away without shouting after him --- "Happy holidays, asshole!"

The things I do for my Cock Provider.

keiramarcos: (A Bit Not Good)

I have this box set of Christmas Cartoons. It has all the classics. Stoic Nephew is home sick with the flu and I trotted over to my sister's house (after calling my doctor to confirm the flu shot she gave me would protect me from a disease ridden 8 year old). My youngest niece and nephew (ages 4 and 5 respectively) were also on hand to lend their own brand of childlike glee to the afternoon.

We made sugar cookies and decorated them. Dudes, ugliest cookies ever! But that was our goal. We had a Ugly Cookie Contest to see who could make the ugliest face with icing. They tasted great though.

After the Great Cookie Mess of 2012, we piled onto the couch to watch tv while my mother vacated the house for parts unknown. She just left me there with these three children. What happened next is her fault. No, really. I made sure to call my sister and tell her whose fault it was.

We watched Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer first. This was probably a mistake because... well. After it was over, I turn to Stoic Nephew and ask him what the moral of that story was (for the youngest two-- I figured making it educational would be the adult thing to do, right?). 

Stoic nephew frowned, blew his nose, and said, "Well, I guess the moral of that story is that if you can prove yourself useful, people will be willing to overlook that you're a freak."

AND it all sort of went downhill from there as both of his siblings readily agreed with him.

August 2017

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