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Dick Punch
Dec. 5th, 2013 12:19 amI'm sick. I have a terrible cold. I'm extremely ill-tempered as a result.
I go to KFC to get chicken (fuck you, I know it's bad for me) and while I'm waiting in line this man gets in my personal space. I mean, like so close I can feel him breathing out of his stupid mouth. And I turn to him, honestly he looked slightly familiar, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen him. I said, "Look, dude you need to back up. You're in my personal space."
And he smirked at me.
And I said, "Mother fucker, I will dick punch you if you don't take two significant steps back."
He took two steps back.
While I'm waiting on my food -- my phone starts to ring and it's Cock Provider. I answer the phone with -- "Look, asshole, I said I would get you fucking hot wings. I don't need a reminder like I'm a child or worse a man."
He clears his throat. "So, where are you going after this? You should probably go home."
I said, "well, I need to go buy stamps."
And he said, "Oh, sweetheart, that's not a good idea."
And I said, "fuck you I do what I want."
And he said, "you have too much attitude to be in public. You just threatened to dick punch my boss and he's really most sincerely sorry about standing too close to you."
And I turn around and his boss is waiting by the door for his food. He very carefully waves at me.
I went home.
I go to KFC to get chicken (fuck you, I know it's bad for me) and while I'm waiting in line this man gets in my personal space. I mean, like so close I can feel him breathing out of his stupid mouth. And I turn to him, honestly he looked slightly familiar, but I couldn't remember where I'd seen him. I said, "Look, dude you need to back up. You're in my personal space."
And he smirked at me.
And I said, "Mother fucker, I will dick punch you if you don't take two significant steps back."
He took two steps back.
While I'm waiting on my food -- my phone starts to ring and it's Cock Provider. I answer the phone with -- "Look, asshole, I said I would get you fucking hot wings. I don't need a reminder like I'm a child or worse a man."
He clears his throat. "So, where are you going after this? You should probably go home."
I said, "well, I need to go buy stamps."
And he said, "Oh, sweetheart, that's not a good idea."
And I said, "fuck you I do what I want."
And he said, "you have too much attitude to be in public. You just threatened to dick punch my boss and he's really most sincerely sorry about standing too close to you."
And I turn around and his boss is waiting by the door for his food. He very carefully waves at me.
I went home.
