You can only take responsibility for your own actions and your own search for happiness and success. Can you regret not being more polite? Sure. But you are not responsible for other people's happiness or life choices. It's a bit arrogant to assume that if you had married this guy, that his life would have been wonderful. And yours. That if you had not spoken what was in your heart when you said "No" or "not now" or " I love you," that things would have been better for someone else. That if you had been there, you could have stopped the car accident. Instead It could have been you in the car, too.
You are the one in charge of your emotions and reactions. And they are individuals and adults and are responsible for theirs. To meet someone years later and presume to know that one action on your part would have changed their whole life, made it better and more successful and happier, is I think really presumptuous. Years later you view your past actions and maybe have regrets or insights or change your view on how and the why something happened. But this is also true of the other person. They could look back and say, "wow, I really wasn't ready for marriage then. I am so glad she turned me down."
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2011-04-10 01:37 pm (UTC)You are the one in charge of your emotions and reactions. And they are individuals and adults and are responsible for theirs. To meet someone years later and presume to know that one action on your part would have changed their whole life, made it better and more successful and happier, is I think really presumptuous. Years later you view your past actions and maybe have regrets or insights or change your view on how and the why something happened. But this is also true of the other person. They could look back and say, "wow, I really wasn't ready for marriage then. I am so glad she turned me down."