1. Be nice to me, I'm Jesus' cousin. 2. I don't think god would appreciate you talking that way about his in-laws.
I'll bet you get a lot of really confused looks with these. Most Christians near me seem to have deleted the "Jewish carpenter" thing from their mental canon. These are the same people with a lily-white Jesus on their walls at home.
3. You want the second coming to happen, right? And it will happen the same way as the first one, right? Well, I'm a Jewish virgin. Are you sure you want to be trying to convert me?
I've slept through most of the apocalyptic stuff, but based on what I remember, I assume you get a more combative response from this one, as Jesus is supposed to return in a wave of fire or something? Also, if you're still a virgin, light a fire under the nice b-cups in your life. ;) (no, I'm not one of those who equate absence of penetration with virginity.)
4. (when busybodies in my old community ask what they should be looking for for me in their match making) Intelligent, into literature or speculative fiction, a good sense of humor, and at least a small B cup.
Have you ever gotten a picture of their lemon-pinched faces at a critical moment? That would be priceless.
5. (when asked why I'm gay) Because guys have that wierd dangly thing.
Again, pix! You likely get the most awesome looks from that one, too. I tend to bore people into a coma with a discussion of evolutionary biology. When it's ADD as the focus, there's a lot less prurient interest to begin with. The helpers-in-the-nest thing I've heard about same-sex preferences was pretty fascinating, though.
6. Trust me, I'm weirder than you think. (this one works every. single. time.)
Hey, if 1 through 5 didn't do it, the big guns are warranted. The look on your face as you deliver this one would be the best, I guess?
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branchandroot
Re: Also fun
Date: 2011-04-29 03:17 pm (UTC)2. I don't think god would appreciate you talking that way about his in-laws.
I'll bet you get a lot of really confused looks with these. Most Christians near me seem to have deleted the "Jewish carpenter" thing from their mental canon. These are the same people with a lily-white Jesus on their walls at home.
3. You want the second coming to happen, right? And it will happen the same way as the first one, right? Well, I'm a Jewish virgin. Are you sure you want to be trying to convert me?
I've slept through most of the apocalyptic stuff, but based on what I remember, I assume you get a more combative response from this one, as Jesus is supposed to return in a wave of fire or something? Also, if you're still a virgin, light a fire under the nice b-cups in your life. ;) (no, I'm not one of those who equate absence of penetration with virginity.)
4. (when busybodies in my old community ask what they should be looking for for me in their match making) Intelligent, into literature or speculative fiction, a good sense of humor, and at least a small B cup.
Have you ever gotten a picture of their lemon-pinched faces at a critical moment? That would be priceless.
5. (when asked why I'm gay) Because guys have that wierd dangly thing.
Again, pix! You likely get the most awesome looks from that one, too. I tend to bore people into a coma with a discussion of evolutionary biology. When it's ADD as the focus, there's a lot less prurient interest to begin with. The helpers-in-the-nest thing I've heard about same-sex preferences was pretty fascinating, though.
6. Trust me, I'm weirder than you think. (this one works every. single. time.)
Hey, if 1 through 5 didn't do it, the big guns are warranted. The look on your face as you deliver this one would be the best, I guess?