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keiramarcosMy husband said I shouldn't email people nasty stuff anymore so.... from people who obviously have no fear of me making fun of them on my LJ I present to you the most annoying people in my inbox (lj and gmail):
1. Why do you keep sneaking femslash and het into your fics?
Answer: Well, frankly, I'm offended that you used the work "sneaking" as it implies that I've some how mislead people. I usually list prominent pairings in my fics and I don't warn for slash or het -- which I've been pretty clear about. I've not written in detailed het or femslash sex in my fics (except for the het in Dark Places which should be obvious from the advertised pairings). So, fuck you.
2. Why don't you update more often? I read your LJ that you don't have a day job or anything.
Answer: Well, Princess Precious Moments, I posted 263,000 words of completed fan fic last year and that was on TOP of my writing professionally on 5 different projects. Maybe you don't realize this but the planet doesn't actually evolve around you. Since the average commercial novel is between 65,000 and 75,000 words I could have written 3 or 4 novels to sell with the time I spent on fan fiction. If my "poor" level of productivity bothers you so much--go glut yourself on fanfiction.net.
3. Why are you so mean to people who try to give you advice?
Answer: Because I didn't ask for it and I made it clear I don't want it. Let me ask you a question, why are you so convinced that everyone wants to hear what you have to say? What makes you think that a total stranger, like myself, really has any interest whatsoever in your little opinion? In the immortal words of Molly Ringwald, shit twice and die.
4. I really wish you'd update No Enemy Within. I'm tired of waiting for it.
Answer: Well, that's tricky since No Enemy Within is actually COMPLETE. Seriously? I assume you mean you'd like me to update the series, Lantean Legacy, and I will when I have something finished to update with. Contrary to popular belief, it is not possible to pull a completed novel out of one's ass. Though, if anyone could it would be me because I'm awesome. If I had magical powers, I'd curse you silly but I don't but just know that somewhere in the wilds of the southern United States, I am glaring at you and thinking very poorly of you. Patience is a fucking virtue.
5. People rec your work all the time and I finally took the time to read some of it. I don't see what people like about your work. You make no effort to actually work with canon, your characters are OOC all the time, you have too many original characters, and none of it is believable. I won't be wasting any more time on your site. Though, I do have a question-- why do you bother writing in fandoms when canon obviously mean nothing to you?
Answer: Hi, thank you for your honesty. I for one, appreciate someone that can be honest and articulate their feelings in such a direct way. Let me be equally honest with you, I don't actually participate in "fandoms" much anymore. I rarely participate in challenges or prompts. I belong to communities on LJ but I don't post to them. I write fan fiction because it amuses me and I find it relaxing. I don't make any effort to write in "canon" and I don't think a fan fiction writer is capable of it. It's only canon in Star Trek if it was in the movies or tv shows. It's only canon in SGA or SG1 if it's in the movies, shows, and maybe the books (not sure, never read them). I write the stories I wish I could've watched. I write the characters as I wish they had been. I don't write fan fiction for you or frankly anyone else you might stumble upon my site. I'm pleased when others enjoy it but I really don't give a shit about those who don't. You don't have to read it and to help you out--I've banned your IP from my website, deleted your account, banned your email from creating a new account all so you won't accidently waste anymore of your time.
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And for the 9 people who complained about my habit of posting YouTube videos on my LJ:
Note: It has occurred to me that I've already violated my intentions to be nicer to asshats in my email. Well, I lasted almost 48 hours... so that counts for something.
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Date: 2012-01-02 04:09 pm (UTC)edit: and there is a simple solution to the videos I use - skip them, though I may make an exception for George Takei *grins*
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Date: 2012-01-02 04:14 pm (UTC)And George Takei is, and will always be, a rockstar.
Happy New Year! I hope your 2012 is fantastic.
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Date: 2012-01-02 04:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 04:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 04:56 pm (UTC)1) Because a good many of her fans think it's hot. Also, because she's open-minded. And further because some of us need advice on technique for our girlfriends/boyfriends. We can't all be lucky enough to have a Penis AND a boyfriend (and if we did, well, lucky us for all that advice that she dispenses free of charge.
2)Because unlike some of us, she has a life, and does not spend it exclusively writing fan fiction (she and the CP have to get SOME time alone. She likes to give us time to come up with our own sex positions-it keeps our creativity up, so we can provide challenges to her.
3)Because our suggested sex positions are boring and vanilla, and therefore anathema to smoldering nymphette like Keira, who needs no sex advice. Nor plot advice, really, she gets them into bed just fine on her own. (seriously, have you read her fictions?)
4)No one is complelling you to wait for it. It is finished. It does not need to be waited for. *handwave* This is not the fanfic you're waiting for. She can go about her business. *handwave* MOVE ALONG-everyone else has.
5)Because (and to put too fine a point on it), canon blows. The beauty of canon...lies in it's POTENTIAL. Not it's realization. We wouldn't want it to be more, in most cases, because it could never live up to our imaginations. AND certainly, never to Keira's imagination. Although, if they ever do make SGA episodes about a two gay co-habitating (and sexually dependent) sentinel/guides, then please let me know, so that I can set my VCR. I'd hate to miss that.
I can't think of anything more wonderful than GT and his douchebaggery comments, though, so I'd keep that (though you might like this--GT narrates his hope for Star Peace (http://www.allegiancemusical.com/video/star-trek-v-star-wars). (All Star fans must band together against the scourge in our time of need.)But seriously, let me know if I can lay the smack down on anyone for you. It's much easier than say, starting a land war in Asia.
:) I am always pleased to read you, whether an update or a rant. I always come away in a better mood. (I wonder what that says about me?)
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Date: 2012-01-02 05:17 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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From:Sneaky sneak sneak...
Date: 2012-01-02 05:04 pm (UTC)::smirk::
Re: Sneaky sneak sneak...
Date: 2012-01-02 06:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 05:09 pm (UTC)I think out of them all 5 surprised me the most, although why it should I don't know. For me one of the main great things about fanfic is the whole issue of it not being canon. I don't know how it could be *is puzzled*
You're way too nice to people, I mean, you actually respond to the asshats lol. They should be locked into fanfic.net for the rest of their lives!
One of the best uses of my time at work is re-reading The Ties that Bind for the hundredth time, it's the one thing that's guaranteed to take me to my happy place :D so many thanks for it and all the other wonderful way you use Shepperd, McKay et al.
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Date: 2012-01-02 05:10 pm (UTC)complaining to youtube, why the fuck does it keep me from watching them? I hate regional restriction!!
I am jealous, I want to see stuff too,
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Date: 2012-01-02 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 05:10 pm (UTC)On a semi serious note, reading this post makes it sound like you took on a paid job with specific instructions and didn't follow them. People are strange.
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Date: 2012-01-02 05:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 10:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 05:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 05:30 pm (UTC)People who think those of us who work a creative job from home don't have 'real' jobs make my head precariously close to exploding.
Maybe if Princess Precious Moments had a 'real' job or 6 she'd have better things to do than piss you off and provide yet another idiotic task you need to address before you can get back to writing porn.
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Date: 2012-01-03 04:33 am (UTC)Hear, hear!! Just because I can do MY job in jammies and fuzzy slippers doesn't make it any less "real" than a job sitting in a cubicle for nine hours a day. It has its rewards and its frustrations, too. Like people who don't think I have a real job.
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Date: 2012-01-02 05:49 pm (UTC)Thank you for making me laugh like a hyena at my desk at work. Good thing my co-workers are busy at home nursing epic hangovers and leaving me with all the work isn't it? Wait a minute... Seriously though, by the time I got to Princess Precious Moments I just gave up on holding the laugh in for fear that the pressure would build up and I'd end up blowing my bellybutton off.
Sorry you have to deal with asshats, but it is wonderful that you can keep a sense of humor about it. More patience than I would have I fear. After the third or fourth email like that I'd snap and just start roaming the country bludgeoning idiots at will with a large glass dildo.
Happy New Year!
Date: 2012-01-02 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 06:09 pm (UTC)Instead you should do just what you did here, so we can all enjoy the nasty stuff! (Oops, sorry for the unsolicited advice.)
Seriously, have these people never heard of the Back arrow and the scroll bar? If you don't like something, move on!
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Date: 2012-01-02 06:13 pm (UTC)My porn-loving, unthankful, demanding grandfather insists I fix his PC every time he fucks it up with bad porn sites (even though I've offered to share good porn sites). The last time, I sat there saying, "I'm awesome! Aren't I awesome!?!" until he finally nodded just to see if I could get some type of thank you. It's not that I'm that desperate, I just love irritating him and a thank you in that situation would have been funny. Oh well, no on the thank you, but at least I annoyed him \0/
Regarding everyone thinking their opinion is welcomed/liked, I blame the parents. Not that I think kids should be seen and not heard, but seriously, parents and authority figures need to back the fuck off with the "you can do anything" shit. Self-esteem is great, but living in a bubble hinders your social abilities and it sure as fuck hurts when it bursts. "You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake."
Oh, and I definitely vote for more "sneaking" femslash!! I think I squealed out loud the last time I saw Teldy/Porter in your pairings list!
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Date: 2012-01-02 10:42 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2012-01-02 06:14 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2012-01-02 07:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 06:32 pm (UTC)God, I love you sooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stuff the resolution to be nicer - venting is good for your stress levels.
And it's really funny for those of us not on the receiving end.
Just please keep being you and all will be well.
Oh, and whenever you (or your muse) finishes the next part of Lantean Legacy I would more than happy to 'wage war' on you again with line edits!! lololol
*ducks the flying tomatoes*
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Date: 2012-01-02 06:47 pm (UTC)You're wicked and hilarious in equal measure! Laughed so hard I, um, had an unfortunate accident. You tell 'em, sister!
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Date: 2012-01-02 06:56 pm (UTC)And...as to being nice to asshats in your email? 48 hours is a long time. I think you accomplished your intentions. I, for one, am proud of you for holding out so long.
Because really, asshats do not deserve kindness.
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Date: 2012-01-02 07:12 pm (UTC)Thanks so much for sharing this with us - you are performing an International Charitable Act. :D
<333
Keira's Fiction > cannon = minion hordes - pointless e-mails of stupid
Date: 2012-01-02 07:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-02 07:41 pm (UTC)It ain't natural!!!