Good Manners

[keiramarcos]

We're taught as young women to -- accept the bad behavior of others, ignore insults, repress hurt feelings, suppress our anger, and never ever make a scene in public. At least, I was. I was taught all of that. I know which fork to use when and the proper place for my water glass and all that stupid shit though I do have a problem with pinky-erections. I know you aren't supposed to elevate your pinky but mine always just sticks out there unless I force it to do otherwise -- no matter what I'm drinking.


The very first time my good manners failed me I was sixteen. I'd gone on a date with a boy of mixed-race (Black mother/white father) and one of my aunt's (by marriage) had a problem with it. She's dead now so I'm sort of hesitant to speak ill of her (see--those damn manners) but it boiled down to her calling me a n-lover at the Sunday dinner table. My mother was so startled that she could not speak and my sister was at the "kids table" and didn't hear it at all. My response was : "Oh, go fuck yourself."

My grandmother spent twenty-five hellish minutes speaking to my aunt in that "I'd kill you but you aren't worth going to prison over" tone about tolerance and equality and how she couldn't believe her son married such an "ignorant cunt" because my grandmother hated nothing like she hated a racist. My uncle's wife rarely if ever spoke in my grandmother's house again after that day. Later on when I was helping with the dishes she let me know that she'd prefer I not use the F word on the Lord's day. (apparently "ignorant cunt" is okay for Sundays just FYI)

Of course, as you all know my manners often fail me in the most public of ways. I am, as my BFF is fond of saying, a party in a can. 

The cafe has been closing early this week -- at 7:30 because they are doing some work on the kitchens at night. There is a sign on the door that has been there since it started. A big fucking sign! With RED letters. It's difficult to miss. 

Cousin Stan, who is calling his "mental health" leave a STAYCATION, and I were packing up our stuff and it was around 7:35 and the girl behind the counter had already surrendered her drawer and this guy comes in. Well, he flips his shit in the most unbecoming, non-funny way ever over the fact that he can't order coffee. Stan trots off to find the manager, the girl is practically in tears and I'm staring at this guy like he might be a fucking alien. He catches me staring and asks, "What the fuck are you doing?"

I can't help myself. I just grin at him and say, "I'm trying to figure out if your assholery is contagious." And despite the fact that I do have a sense of self-preservation the following words come out of my mouth when he glares and takes a step towards me. "Mother fucker, I wish you would."

And before I can say anything else the girl behind the counter starts to PRAY, out loud like the good Catholic girl she is.

The manager comes running and Stan lectures me all the way to my car about picking fights with people twice my size. Then we argue over a cellphone call my entire trip home about how I don't think that rule applies to people who pick on little Catholic School Girls and Republicans.

Though he's right. One day I'm going to let my mouth overload my ass. My mouth is going to write a check my ass can't cash. I'm going to bring a smart mouth to a fist fight. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Comments

[starr_falling]

What a cunt. Aunt-in-law and coffee asshole both. I wish I could be as assertive as you, but between my "manners" and being shy, it's really hard sometimes.

My mouth is going to write a check my ass can't cash.

That sounds exactly like my niece, who unfortunately is one of the few short people in our family. Her attitude is about the size of my 6 foot 6 cousin.

[halftime1030.livejournal.com]

I wish I could be as assertive as you, but between my "manners" and being shy, it's really hard sometimes.

Yes, exactly that! Although my department's been under renovations since November and my game face is slipping. Thankfully, my inner Rodney has kept his scathing comments to himself although with 6 more weeks to go that may change :)

[moonjean2009.livejournal.com]

It's kind of sad that our mothers teach us to repress and basically put up with others crap. My mom is a champion repressor but when she blows up, everyone must take cover. It's one of the reasons why I'm a back talker, I think it's because most of my life I've had to swallow back my responses and keep a lid on my emotion so now I will have a snotty response to anything as long as you piss me off enough to care about what you're saying. I don't necessarily pick fights but I always have the last word.
I can tell you for a fact that a smart mouth can stump someone long enough that they only realize you've insulted them until you're long gone. So your smart mouth might actually save you from a fight.

[goddess47]

I don't know whether to be horrified or to cheer you on. Really.

We'll send you cards if you end up in the hospital... ;-) Or take up a collection for your bail.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Maybe we should start the fund now? ;-)

~:

[halftime1030.livejournal.com]

We should probably start a fund for Keira *and* for our fellow minions because as we know, Keira is a no good, bad influence ;D

This is what I think

[maryluna.livejournal.com]

You are the secret voice of all the good girls women & wives that crave to scream and shout. You are the voice of the righteous, the whisper of sarcasm, the twist of ennui, the muttered curse of "Haven't you ever met a working brain?" to all those fools who are basically, large clay man shape figures struggling along in a foggy polluted mist.
I salute you.
"If your mouth ever writes a check your ass can't cash, I will help you pay the overdraw."
Just sayin'
Keep on keepin' on.

Re: This is what I think

[neeliemom.livejournal.com]

Amen!

Re: This is what I think

[ladzlilith.livejournal.com]

I second that.

[silentflux]

Wow. What absolute fuckers. Sometimes I wish I could cop more attitude - I've been better about it as I get older, but I still have those ingrained manners. Although... the last time someone said something racist to me (about me and my family), I did inform them of their stupidity and to get their ass away from me.

And seriously - only assholes walk in that close to closing and make a stink if they've already wrapped it all up. *rolls eyes*

ETA: in case it wasn't clear - you have plenty of people who'd bail you out/back you up... and I'm right there with them ;)

[ex_moondancer561 (from livejournal.com)]

Where the hell did LJ hide that +1/Like button? I need to slam it a few dozen times.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

Oiy.

Your Aunt was a twit & go Grand-mom for setting her straight. Sounds like she was one hell of a lady.

The illiterate douche needed some used grounds handed to him so he could chew them to make his own damn coffee. What a useless moron.

And I agree, you are a party in a can. And it is one *hell* of a party...

~L

[casness.livejournal.com]

I just want to say that you find the most amazing videos for your posts.

[highlander0912.livejournal.com]

Have I said how very much I love you and your posts? I really hope you post some funny shit over the next few days cause I'm gonna need some good laughs. I'll probably be miserable and in some pain because I am having a double biopsy on 2 of my 6 thyroid nodules early tomorrow afternoon. I really hate needles and these are BIG long needles. Which will be inserted repeatedly - well at least until they get as many samples as they want to test for cancer - as they want. And on each side. And since I am very pale-skinned, I'm going to probably look like a vampire went to town on my neck. Anyway, more posts please!!!

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

You can't be mannerly with an ignorant asshole. You should have punched him in the mouth. Someone should have punched his lights out.

You can tell a lot...

[neeliemom.livejournal.com]

about a person by the way they treat waitresses and sales clerks. People who are rude and/or abusive like that are lowlife bullies who have to build up their egos and make themselves feel powerful by mistreating others. You, hon, are indeed a party in a can! I'm glad you stood up for her. If you ever need bailing out, call for your minions, we'll be there! Maybe you could come up with your own batsignal? What symbol would light up the sky? Please don't say a giant cock, I don't think the world is ready for it. ;-)

[polly-b.livejournal.com]

Huh. You know, I adore your work, have read it multiple times, have read even the stuff outside my usual fandoms because I like your style. I will be honest and say I used to read your LJ even before we friended because you frequently make me laugh out loud; there just aren't enough people in the world who do that for me.

Which I say to preface these comments: I love your grandmother; I, too, must stick out my pinky when I drink no matter how silly it looks (I can't seem to teach myself to stop), and I have also been called a n-lover (actually, I was usually called a 'n-loving bitch'. My ex-husband is Black. I'll cop to the bitch part but being called a n-lover lit my hair on fire). I've also been told 'your mouth is gonna write a check your ass can't cash' (although it's been near 'bout two decades since I've heard that).

How nice that we have such relatively obscure things in common. Heh.

Oh, and I'll donate to the bail fund, should it become necessary.

[rhiannon-wing.livejournal.com]

I LOVE your icon! It's so true!

[polly-b.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I ran across that picture today on my Facebook and liked it so well I had to turn it into an icon, lol.

[karraparis.livejournal.com]

I NEED you for Sunday's at work. I have this one guy who rant's about Obama this and the then right in front of me calls him "A good little Zebra who's not even a real american because he was born in Hawaii and a Certifiet of live birth." then he turns to me and says "But I don't think you're like him cause your mama's white and raised you." Can we say i spent two minutes so quite my boss just sent me to the back office to find a really old comic that I know is not in the office. He still sees nothing wrong with what he said. It makes me want to xerox HCLB and hang it on the wall at work.

I have to state when i grow up I want to be just like you Keira! I need to get that shirt made up and wear it to work.

[azurehart.livejournal.com]

If you snap kick to the back of his knee it will even up the fight quick. Or my favorite: drop kick to the groin, knee to the nose as he bends over.

[serpentlady69.livejournal.com]

I love your icon.

[azurehart.livejournal.com]

It's by kaaatie, and you may take it as long as you give her credit.

[rabidfan.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm a nice girl. My father is a Bishop...he'd have punted me out the window if I didn't have impeccable manners. That being said? I'd have stabbed her with my fork and licked it clean.

[calanor.livejournal.com]

was it a day for assholes and bitches???? No one can play nice on the playground???

Never in all my life have I wanted to hang someone in the closet with their mouth ducktaped shut!!!

My brother says the same thing...my mouth is gonna write a check my ass can't cash.... Oh well, at least I know I'll go down fighting... or squeaking...or someone will be squeaking.

Re GoodManners

[valirion-02.livejournal.com]

You rock my world, I will come and hold your cloak any day!

[serpentlady69.livejournal.com]

As a complete smart ass that was raised with far too many manners to really let loose in public, just let me say you are my hero.

[silvarbelle.livejournal.com]

Yeah... if I'd been there, I'd have started in on his apparent stupidity and then I'd have chucked something at his head the instant he took a step toward me. >.>

So, I'm glad to know you didn't let his stupid go unchecked.

Also: love your Granna. She sounds awesome.

[chris-king-2005.livejournal.com]

I think Southern women win hands down on the 'still maintaining at least a reasonable approximation of civilized behaviour while ripping someone a new asshole' front.

Your grandmother is awesome. You come by it honestly.

[batspit.livejournal.com]

Your Grandma is so awesome.

I will sadly never, ever get to be as badass as you. The manners I was taught are all encompassing and I can never make those awesome phrases leave my mouth.

I am, however, an undisputed mistress of the dying Southern art of "politing people to death." I might have read the sign on the door out loud to him and politely inquired if he needed help getting on the right bus home.

A friend has me on speed dial for business 'situations'. My ability to drop the ambient temperature 10 degrees via email is a skill in high demand, people being what they are.

[keenoled.livejournal.com]

My personal opinion is that it'll be worth it, haha. All the frustration of all the times I would have been silent and wondering Why didn't I say something, versus a punch? Totally worth it. :D

[helene94.livejournal.com]

I was raised in the south too, and I am almost physically incapable of causing a public scene, or responding to a public confrontation in any way other than politely. Of course, then I go home and have a spectacular meltdown that causes the entire family to take cover. I like your way much better--you are an inspiration to me to keep trying to break my social conditioning and speak up.

Happily, my 11 year old daughter has NO problem speaking up in public for herself or anyone else, so at least I'm not passing it on!

[catangel70.livejournal.com]

Just get yourself a taser , pepper spray or a 38 for those times. Maybe a good pair of running shoes (steel toed if possible cause nothing settles a disagreement like a good hard kick to the nuts.) Your Grandma sounds like a true steel magnolia, southern grand dame to the core. Your family barring your racist aunt in law is awesome!!

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

And before I can say anything else the girl behind the counter starts to PRAY, out loud like the good Catholic girl she is.
*snort*

[jeri33.livejournal.com]

"I'm trying to figure out if your assholery is contagious." So perfect I must remember that line! We went to Kansas City once to visit with some friends and were driven around by a wonderful older lady, so I thought. Until we went to a certain part of town and the auto door looks on her Lincoln Town Car suddenly bolted down and she began using the N word as if it were as nice as saying anything and perfectly normal. This native Californian had never been exposed to this type of blatant bigotry before, and every time she used the word, I shuttered. I was amazed at this. I was very young and have heard a few more things since. This was in the 1990's. I guess it just blows my mind.