Anxiety

[keiramarcos]

Anxiety. When I was younger I had a problem with it -- I mean so much of a problem that more than one doctor tried to medicate me before I was even sixteen years old. My mother was firmly against it and at the time I really feared the idea of being medicated that way so while I continued to suffer near crippling amounts of anxiety I never resented her for her stance on medication.

As I got older, I worked myself out of it. These days I rarely even have a half hour when I'm inexplicably anxious. Yes, I get upset, pissed off, anxious, angry, or on the rare occasion homicidal but there is nearly always a reason. I do take a medication these days but it's actually for my rather epic PMS. No seriously. I have PMMD. So there are three or four days a month when I'm a rather special snowflake. There is no other way to say it.

Today, is not one of those days and yet I woke up -- nervous as fuck. I checked all the locks in the house, called half my family and my husband more than once, and checked my bank balance over the phone AND online. I went to the mail box four times. My mother told me if I called her again she was going to kick my ass. I think she meant it.

So, fuck this, I'm taking a sleeping pill and going back to bed.

I'll try again tomorrow.

Comments

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

:: Hugs ::

All is safe with the AZ minions. No anxiety needed here.

Sleep well.

~L

[justalurkr.livejournal.com]

Could you leave the house? That's my special snowflake-ness: last week, it hit on the way to work and I wound up sitting in the car in the company parking lot for five hours. And that's me medicated.

Hope tomorrow goes better.

[keiramarcos]

OH I can leave.

I cussed out two different people in Kroger this morning. After I drank a pot of coffee.

[justalurkr.livejournal.com]

They probably had it coming. :D

Have you gotten Matt Sheppard nekkid lately? That always does it distracts me very nicely. Just close your eyes, remove each article of clothing tenderly, hand him a firearm and let him shoot the shit out of whatever is just out of sight and bothering you.

[keiramarcos]

lmao

[justalurkr.livejournal.com]

Just remember after the smoke clears that a nekkid Sheppard is a terrible thing to waste. ;)

[icefalls-tears.livejournal.com]

I sometimes get bouts of severe paranoia where I can't leave the house or even my room sometimes. Nothing specific like governmental conspiracies or aliens and tin foil hats. Just the pervasive feeling that makes me feel like I'm alone in an empty parking garage at night and suddenly there is a noise. And you know I'm in a slasher movie. It sucks. So sleep well, slashy dreams, and know that your minions are rooting for you to feel better.

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

"HUGS"

When I was a kid I had a teacher that didn't like me in 1st grade. She told my mother I was hyperactive and said I needed to be put on medication. My mother told our GP what she said and put me on something. When I couldn't function my mom took me back to the doc who said there was nothing wrong with me and took me off of it. My mother was pissed and the teacher tried to have me left back. My mom raged big time and they sent me on to second grade where I excelled. I wish that teacher was still around but she was as old as the hills when I was in her class and she was always a witch on wheels! Sometimes it's not a problem you might have just something you might be going through at the moment or in my case a teacher that should have retired way before she did!

[calanor.livejournal.com]

my first grade teacher was an old as the hills bitch...I remember she would get mad at my best friend, get down into her face and scream at her.. When the Christmas Holidays came around.. she didn't return. they lived on the outer edge of the school district where she could go to either school.. Her Parents sent her to the other school.

One of my friends raised her grandchildren because her daughter was jut too stupid to do it.. His first grade teacher sent a note home on the first day of classes telling her if she didn't put him on Riddlen, then she was going to fail him.. and it was only the first day. Needless to say, my friend marched up to the school the next day and waylaid her. she moved Clinton to one of the other first grade classes and there was no problems there..

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

Wish I could have moved to another class. My mother listened to her because she was a teacher and that she knew what she was talking about. Glad my Mom finally wised up and got me off the crap they drugged me with. Being a walking zombie allowed her to push me aside and not teach me the whole year. If my mother hadn't put up a stink I would have stayed in the first grade and in her class for another year!

[calanor.livejournal.com]

I understand teachers have a rough job... especially with children that have no discipline to speak of.. but respect is earned as well as given..

it was the first day of school.. you can't tell me that no other child was fidgety.. they just spent two month of summer vacation.. The teacher tried telling and anyone else that would listen that he wouldn't amount to nothing...

He got a full ride scholarship to a University of his choosing.. My niece had a teacher who told her she wouldn't amount to nothing either cause she couldn't bake a cake to save her soul..... she's a lawyer now.. I took great pride in sending a picture of her graduation from law school...

(she told the teacher if she wanted a cake... she would have me or her granny bake them.. cause we so much better at them than her!! )

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

Even if it was true that someone would amount to nothing, a teacher shouldn't say stuff like that. Their job is to teach, encourage and nurture not discourage them. It turns one off from wanting to learn let alone go to school to be bullied by a teacher! If they can't encourage a child to learn then they should not be teaching!

[weebeanie.livejournal.com]

That teacher should have been in a different job. I teach 5-7yr olds. Little kids are supposed to be active. If my kids haven't spent the day buzzing around making, drawing, creating, exploring, squabbling, making up and peppering me with a million 'but why?' questions I would be worried about them.

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

If it wasn't for the fact that I got a great teacher in the 2nd grade and we had her again for the 3rd grade, my first grade teacher would have turned me off on learning. My 2nd grade teacher told my mom that I couldn't get enough of reading and learning when I was in her class and I excelled from then on.

You're right, she should have been in a different job! I never had a problem again after getting out of her class. I shudder to think if they left me back I would have had her again. I never would have gotten out of first grade if she had her way!

[tlyna.livejournal.com]

I had one in 4th grade that loved to humiliate children in front of the class, yell at them, throw their papers in their face, etc. Until her I loved school, from then on I hated it. I didn't even go to college until my mid 30s because I thought I couldn't do it. Found college much easier than high school. The bitch just died last month and in her obit they praised her 30+ years as a teacher. I wonder how many other children she screwed up over those years.

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

I'm sure my first grade teacher was praised for all the years she taught as well.

Too bad people never come forward to tell the stories we are telling here now about those certain teachers who weren't always so wonderful to all the kids they taught?

[calanor.livejournal.com]

My fifth grade teacher was a bitch as well... she would walk up behind you and slam the paddle down on the desk right beside your hand.. scare the shit outta you...

her Father in law was in my nursing home.. and one of the activity girls was going on how a great teacher she was.. I asked how she knew that cause she didn't attend school here..

her answer... Well she's a good christian woman.. she would never hurt a child..

I snorted and walked away before my mouth engaged before my brain..

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

Oh, you should have let your mouth engage! LOL

How does she know she's a good christian woman?

[calanor.livejournal.com]

My anxiety is pretty much three girls I work with... down to two as of 10pm. She's gone on to another job...

but I still have the Moocher and the old woman.. there are days when I want to put my fist through their teeth...

And this week alone was enough to bring my ulcer back ten fold... My mom went on Hospice this week.. so my heart is breaking while I try not to kill anyone in my family..

[inu-spockya.livejournal.com]

ouch!! I think a lot of people get put on meds because their parents don't know enough to say, "oh HELL no!" to the school. I was lucky enough to have gone thru school back when they just made us sit detention after school. boring, but no brain-fry.

Keira-san, hope you feel better tomorrow! anxiety sucks. all my friends know I call myself "Captain Squirrel of the flying Nutball Rangers" and it is so not just a joke. feel ok tonite and shaking like a leaf anyway. *shrug* shit happens.

yay for the Big Lebowski, one of my favourite movies of all time!!

[whatshername87.livejournal.com]

Feel better! I definitely understand what you're going through. I have anxiety too and It sucks ass! It was definitely worse when I was a teenager, but it's so weird how random the attacks are. Get some sleep and everything will look better! :)

[sorka42.livejournal.com]

*hug*

This is going to sound a bit nutbar crazy, but there was a magnetic storm yesterday in the upper atmosphere. There hasn't been one like that in a long while, could be what triggered the anxiety. I'm just saying that outside forces can mess up brain chemistry as we have magnetite in our brain cells naturally, changes in the Earths magnetic field *sometimes* effects people's moods.

[keiramarcos]

I'll take that over the no explanation every day. I hate not having any sort of reason for something.

[seadragonlady.livejournal.com]

Some days just suck. Nothing more nothing less. Total suckage & not in any good way at all. Have a better one tomorrow. *hug*

[otrame.livejournal.com]

Neurotransmitters on a rampage (or hiding under their beds) can make your life miserable.

You have plenty of coping skills and have been dealing with it for a long time. You'll feel better soon.

Just remember that if it goes on for a while, medication is not the worst thing that can happen to you. I remember when I recommended antidepressants to my mother-in-law. She said, "but using drugs like that is just a crutch." I said, "Yeah, well, refusing to use a crutch when your leg is broken is kinda silly, don't you think?"

[justalurkr.livejournal.com]

I limped along without my "crutch" for 39 years vis a vis A.D.D. Ritalin worked on it in a snap, which I suppose doesn't mean it would have worked on my juvenile brain, but if it had, it would have made my life completely different.

Telling anyone whose brain chemistry is running even slightly amok to "calm down!" or "pay attention!" or (worst ever) "just get over it!" is a bit like yelling at a river to flow the other way.

[otrame.livejournal.com]

God, yes. It is often meant well, but I sometimes want to yell, "Sure. Let's fuck up YOUR brain chemistry for a while, make it go on a nice long time, then I can tell YOU to get over it".

Being cautious about starting meds is fine, but when your brain chemistry is out of whack then bless modern pharmacology.

BTW I'm A.D.D. too, on top of the depression, but as I got older I found ways to cope and I found that things that had been a real handicap in high school were actually and advantage in college. Then I started on Provigil and that cleared up most of the remaining problems I had.

I'm glad you got your meds started. As for what went before, try not to worry about that. You can get on with your life now. That is what matters.