Stitch and Bitch
Nov. 2nd, 2013 04:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
keiramarcosI have a second cousin who lives in a different city. She's in her twenties. She has two kids and a dead-beat ex-husband. It recently came to light that she has been stripping. You know-- taking off her clothes for money. She's doing this to feed her kids.
I got roped into going to my aunt's house for an "intervention" and I didn't even know what it was about until I go there. So, I'm sitting there minding my own business (and quilting - SHUT UP) and this conversation happens:
Aunt Busy Body: "Susie, your mama told us you've been taking off your clothes for money."
My Mother: "Wait... is she turning tricks or stripping?"
Susie huffed indignantly. "I just take off my clothes!"
Aunt Holy Roller: "Well, I told my church and they're all praying for you to get right with Jesus."
Susie: "Well Jesus hasn't been all that helpful in paying for the things my kids need so I told him to fuck off."
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY AUNTS AND MY OWN MOTHER TURNED AND LOOKED RIGHT AT ME.
And I asked, "Why do you women always blame the atheist when someone says something negative about your invisible friend?"
Trucker's Wife (my cousin's first and only wife, we're proud of his accomplishment) opens a beer and says: "If you want that lousy ex-husband of yours to pay child support, I can send my boys around to kick his ass." She has two sons over the age of 20 who look like trucks. They've always looked like trucks. I don't know how she got them out of her vagina to be frank. They weighed eleven pounds each and were born 2 years apart.
Aunt Busy Body: "If he died, accidently, your kids could get his social security." One day, after she dies, I'm going to put some thought into the fact that she's buried two husbands.
Aunt Holy Roller: "We are getting off the point here! She's selling herself!"
And My Mother said: "No slut shaming! You got no room to judge at any rate. Or maybe you have a perfectly good explanation for the two years you were working at that Titty Bar during nursing school?"
Pause. My mother said the words "TITTY BAR". That shit cannot be unheard.
And Susie turns to me and asks, "What do you think?"
I shrugged. "It isn't like you're the first woman in our family to take their clothes off for money."
And my Aunt Busy Body huffed and demanded to know, "Why you gotta bring up old shit?"
I got roped into going to my aunt's house for an "intervention" and I didn't even know what it was about until I go there. So, I'm sitting there minding my own business (and quilting - SHUT UP) and this conversation happens:
Aunt Busy Body: "Susie, your mama told us you've been taking off your clothes for money."
My Mother: "Wait... is she turning tricks or stripping?"
Susie huffed indignantly. "I just take off my clothes!"
Aunt Holy Roller: "Well, I told my church and they're all praying for you to get right with Jesus."
Susie: "Well Jesus hasn't been all that helpful in paying for the things my kids need so I told him to fuck off."
EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY AUNTS AND MY OWN MOTHER TURNED AND LOOKED RIGHT AT ME.
And I asked, "Why do you women always blame the atheist when someone says something negative about your invisible friend?"
Trucker's Wife (my cousin's first and only wife, we're proud of his accomplishment) opens a beer and says: "If you want that lousy ex-husband of yours to pay child support, I can send my boys around to kick his ass." She has two sons over the age of 20 who look like trucks. They've always looked like trucks. I don't know how she got them out of her vagina to be frank. They weighed eleven pounds each and were born 2 years apart.
Aunt Busy Body: "If he died, accidently, your kids could get his social security." One day, after she dies, I'm going to put some thought into the fact that she's buried two husbands.
Aunt Holy Roller: "We are getting off the point here! She's selling herself!"
And My Mother said: "No slut shaming! You got no room to judge at any rate. Or maybe you have a perfectly good explanation for the two years you were working at that Titty Bar during nursing school?"
Pause. My mother said the words "TITTY BAR". That shit cannot be unheard.
And Susie turns to me and asks, "What do you think?"
I shrugged. "It isn't like you're the first woman in our family to take their clothes off for money."
And my Aunt Busy Body huffed and demanded to know, "Why you gotta bring up old shit?"