I'm a Crazy Little Tea Pot -- Short and Stout -- Throw away my receipts and hear me shout!

[keiramarcos]

  So, I have OCD. Full diagnosis sort of thing in my 20s. I medicate for it to keep from going completely off the deep end but even with medication I have a minor issues for instance:

• I like to sit in certain places in the places I go often (especially the library or the cafe)


• I park my car in certain areas of parking lots and have been known to wait for a spot to open up.


• I write with a certain kind of pen and changing that pen can be stressful (like when a company changes a design or stops making my pen altogether)


• I do certain things in certain places -- write there, read in the chair, do work at my main computer, don't do work on my laptop.


• I have a few minor hoarding issues -- that I work very hard to keep under control so I don't end up on an episode of Hoarders. I allow myself to keep notebooks, pens, bags, purses but nothing else.

Sometimes forcing myself to throw things away can be traumatic as fuck. Today, I made myself throw some things away that I'd been keeping for no real reason (receipts, old magazines, catalogs--I wish I was kidding) and I thought I was okay with it. I mean there was no panic before hand and my husband came upstairs. He asked me a question about something and I just had a complete and utter meltdown. I burst into tears and cried for twenty minutes solid.

I have this deep sense of shame attached to my OCD and often it drives me crazy that throwing away a fucking receipt can lead to such a loss of control. It's embarrassing -- this attachment I have to old mail and receipts. It makes no sense but then I guess if it made sense I wouldn't keep it for months at a time in a basket until I force myself to go through it and throw it away.

My husband is a real trooper though and that's the truth of it. He just made me some tea and put me on the couch and let me cry until I was done.

I can't remember his question and I'm a thousand percent sure I did't answer it.

Comments

[myjadedhavok.livejournal.com]

Boyfriend has OCD. Along with his anxiety, its one of the reasons certain family members insist he isn't "good enough" for me, which pisses me off to no end.

One of his things he likes to hoard are the cardboard boxes from boxed meals, the part that has directions on them. Because what if he needs those directions, I guess. Sometimes we will have as much as 50 of the same boxes. Our spare room gets cleaned out when it gets full... which is extremely stressful for the boyfriend and leads to him having panic attacks, which is very upsetting for me as well but we both recognize the need to keep things cleaned out as best we can.

Not everyone has the strength to do what you do. Even if you cry and break down, its a tremendous strength to throw that receipt away on your own. It shouldnt be a source of shame, but our culture heavily stigmitizes things like anxiety, depression, and OCD so it isn't surprising that it is.

[keiramarcos]

I keep boxes from deliveries (like Amazon) but I gave it purpose by by cutting them up and donating to them to my Dad's friends who use them to barrel fires in the winter to warm their garages (because that's a thing). So there are four of them and I make a box for each of them -- and cut up other boxes to put in their box then when it's full -- they come get their box.

It works out really well in that respect. It's like I've given that little quirk of mine a productive (and positive) outcome.