I'm a Crazy Little Tea Pot -- Short and Stout -- Throw away my receipts and hear me shout!

[keiramarcos]

  So, I have OCD. Full diagnosis sort of thing in my 20s. I medicate for it to keep from going completely off the deep end but even with medication I have a minor issues for instance:

• I like to sit in certain places in the places I go often (especially the library or the cafe)


• I park my car in certain areas of parking lots and have been known to wait for a spot to open up.


• I write with a certain kind of pen and changing that pen can be stressful (like when a company changes a design or stops making my pen altogether)


• I do certain things in certain places -- write there, read in the chair, do work at my main computer, don't do work on my laptop.


• I have a few minor hoarding issues -- that I work very hard to keep under control so I don't end up on an episode of Hoarders. I allow myself to keep notebooks, pens, bags, purses but nothing else.

Sometimes forcing myself to throw things away can be traumatic as fuck. Today, I made myself throw some things away that I'd been keeping for no real reason (receipts, old magazines, catalogs--I wish I was kidding) and I thought I was okay with it. I mean there was no panic before hand and my husband came upstairs. He asked me a question about something and I just had a complete and utter meltdown. I burst into tears and cried for twenty minutes solid.

I have this deep sense of shame attached to my OCD and often it drives me crazy that throwing away a fucking receipt can lead to such a loss of control. It's embarrassing -- this attachment I have to old mail and receipts. It makes no sense but then I guess if it made sense I wouldn't keep it for months at a time in a basket until I force myself to go through it and throw it away.

My husband is a real trooper though and that's the truth of it. He just made me some tea and put me on the couch and let me cry until I was done.

I can't remember his question and I'm a thousand percent sure I did't answer it.

Comments

[morethanapint.livejournal.com]

My sister is a control freak, my brother is an x-box junkie with a side of panic attacks, I have a mild OCD with a sprinkle of depression. The worse thing is my mother refused to understand it. I came from a very bigoted community, mental health problems happen always to other people, other families, and it took many years for my mom to understand there is no shame.
There is no shame.
We are different and wrong and right in our own way.
I have to clean all my purses and my wallet once a month, I kept clothes from my childhood, notebooks and colored pencils, I have to use my special spoon for breakfast or I'll be anxious for the whole day.
And my sister and I had to find a way to co-exist in the same room during our teenage years (I could keep my things if I kept them ordered and clean... my drawers underwent a trashing every 6 months... and I let her make all the decisions).
What I want to say is we are all cracked in our individual way, and yes your husband is very nice and understanding, but probably your are very nice and understanding about his issues.