You know....

[keiramarcos]

I've been trying really hard not to show my ass in public this summer. Mostly because it's too hot to get pissed off. It's fucking miserable here and I hate the heat and if I get pissed I often leave the place I'm pissed then I'm out in the heat so I've been working on enhancing my calm.


So, today I'm at the cafe with Snotty Chicklit Writer and we're in our usual spot with iced coffee which she thinks could be one of the signs of the apocalypse but still drinks like it's ambrosia. (I was informed when I questioned this that she was old and southern and she could be fucking eccentric if she wanted. I could only nod.)


And these two women come in and the one dressed in this really cute blue summer suit was just bitching up a storm but not that fun kind of bitching--but more like cruel bitching and her companion who we later figured must work for her in some way was taking the brunt of the cruelty. I checked -- I didn't see any Prada on her personage so obviously she wasn't The Devil but I think she could have been her agent.


So, the Wicked Witch and her much abused assistant/whipping post (I bet her flying monkeys formed a union and went on strike due to a hostile work environment) take a table less than ten feet from us and for the next 60 minutes she berates this poor girl while they eat--often she talks with her mouth full and 15 minutes into this experience I'm completely grossed out and I'm reconsidering ordering my own lunch. Her horribleness was FIERCE.


So, at some point during this HOUR OF UTTER MISERY Snotty Chicklit Writer and I start talking about her in that snobby, southern belle way that goes like this:

Snotty Chicklit Writer: I cannot believe her.
Me: I know. It's like she was raised by wolves.
Snotty Chicklit Writer: Or a ex-hooker turned long distance truck driver from New Jersey.
ETC
ETC
ETC


Until, this silly evil woman turns to us and says: "Are you talking about me? You can both shut the fuck up!"

To which I respond: "You should probably go home before some whiny, maladjusted teenage girl with a shoe fetish from Kansas drops a house on you."

Then I spent five minutes cleaning up the iced coffee that Snotty Chicklit Writer sprayed practically everywhere.

Comments

[averzierlia.livejournal.com]

If you're going to be a cunt in public, expect to get called on that shit.

[ksalterego.livejournal.com]

HAR! i WISH i could think up wonderful things like that on the spot. and then SAY THEM without getting verbal dyslexia and everything coming out wrong and backwards. that was so PERFECT!!!

[my3scape.livejournal.com]

LOVE (because like isn't strong enough).

[auntbijou.livejournal.com]

I utterly adore you!! And it is way too friggin' hot to be putting up with that kind of bitchery!

[justalurkr.livejournal.com]

I still can't believe people show their asses in public like that in general, or that she in particular had the energy to keep it up for an hour in this heat.

And I adore how you bring these jackasses back to Earth!

[fanfic-addict01.livejournal.com]

This was hillarious! You should probably post all these convos.

[alainia.livejournal.com]

LOL! I think I would have spit out my coffee too. *grins* I wish I was that witty, I truly do.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

::Snicker ::

Ghod. I wish there was a picture of her face! I so adore you!

~L

P.S. check your email from me

[trinaward.livejournal.com]

That was wonderful; you just made my day!

[txrabbit.livejournal.com]

Oh if there is anything that us Southern women do well it's talk in that snotty, Southern belle way. I find women who object to being talked about in that manner most amusing. Sounds to me like a high quality lady y'all found yourselves there.

[iadorespike]

Awesome. :)

*cheers you on*

[yanagi-wa.livejournal.com]

I think you showed remarkable restraint. I would have offed her much sooner.

And I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything when I read this. *wanders off to make iced coffee.*

[hab318princess.livejournal.com]

right now I'd love you to meet my soon to be ex-colleague P (she's been a cow for two years and I'd just love to hear what you've gotta say - yes, I know, selfish and I'm leaving in two weeks etc, but yeah... gotta find my inner Keira there)

and GOOD ON YOU!

[slvrbld747.livejournal.com]

Chuckles, So, So Excellent! You have some wicked brilliant one liners. Grins. -SB

ROTFL

[neeliemom.livejournal.com]

So, the nicest thing you could say about her is "all her tatoos were spelled correctly"? (Sorry, I'm still channeling Steel Magnolias.) Chewing with her mouth open? Ewwww. And berating minions in public? Tacky. You praise in public, berate in private. I hope her mama came out from under the porch and bit her when she got home.

[pyrotechnik.livejournal.com]

Well, now everyone knows she was definitely raised in a barn. Chewing with her mouth open, and talking while doing so. Disgusting. Also, your comeback was great, as was the spit take. But, what did the other girl do? The one who was being berated? That's what I want to know.

[keiramarcos]

Frankly? I don't know how that girl had the will to breathe. She just looked -- broken.

It was sad.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

That is sad. Hopefully when she snaps, it won't be physical violence... I just hope she leaves the evil bitch.

~L

[bemus-ed.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad I don't read your posts while eating or drinking. I totally would have needed to buy a new laptop! :)

[epona34.livejournal.com]

So much love !!! I just wish I could have some of your wit.

[djaddict.livejournal.com]

You!! Are my Goddess!!!

♥

[alwaysn-4ever.livejournal.com]

Sounds like the kind of boss I always suspected Kavanaugh would be like. The only way a person like that can feel like a success is to tear apart the people around them. Wanna bet she steals ideas from the people that work for her and passes them off as her own?

[verob2002.livejournal.com]

OMG, you are made of AWESOME!!!

[seadragonlady.livejournal.com]

You my dear, are the bee's knees!!!

You are so my Yoda.

I learnt the reading & drinking lesson quickly some time ago when it it cost me a new keyboard.

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

hilarious!As another poster mentioned, I could never be that verbally quick-witted in public (after the fact, of course, the one-liners come to mind in droves. But at the time, nah.)
I'm so glad y'all stood up for that poor girl and gave the WWW what-for!

[keenoled.livejournal.com]

I just read this out loud to my mother (faking some kind of southern belle Georgia dialect) and she laughed like a loon for two minutes.

[chris-king-2005.livejournal.com]

*giggling madly*

[tamstercmt.livejournal.com]

LMAO - that was awesome! The bitch deserved it.

[rivkaesque.livejournal.com]

And this is why, even if you never write another word of fic, I wil continue to follow our LJ. for gems like this.

[ohhdarkstoned11.livejournal.com]

You're epicness knows no bounds. c:

[burningchaos.livejournal.com]

Can I be you when I grow up?

[victoriaelle.livejournal.com]

To which I respond: "You should probably go home before some whiny, maladjusted teenage girl with a shoe fetish from Kansas drops a house on you."

This line just made my day. Thank you. Cause painting in 30C weather sucks.

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

bwaaa hahahaha

[insanity--inc.livejournal.com]

I'm from Kansas...I have a shoe fetish. I'm pretty sure I was a whiny, maladjusted teenager for at least 30 seconds....

::snaps fingers::

Damn. No houses falling on assholes I work for. ::glares at Dorothy:::


You made my day though. ^_^

I hope that poor girl sets her boss' desk/car/closet on fire.

[caliadragon.livejournal.com]

You are just made of awesome! I love people who are snarky and a bit vicious when faced with overwhelming stupidity and cruelty and this was perfectly done.

Thanks
Calia

[shattereternity.livejournal.com]

I wish I had your wonderful way of coming up with great comebacks and not messing them up when going to say it. :3

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

Glad I wasn't drinking anything. LOL That was great!

[huro.livejournal.com]

Yes, still want to be as awesome as you when I grow up. If that ever happens.