Quality Time
Aug. 27th, 2011 10:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
keiramarcosMy mother has called me THREE times this morning. I didn't answer the first two times because I was extremely busy being naked with my husband. So, the third time the phone rings I answer it to be greeted with:
"I've already called twice this morning-- what were you doing that you couldn't answer the phone when your Mother called?"
Now, in my defense I was still quite dazed from all the awesome naked-time so my response was more a post-orgasmic reaction than anything else. Because I said in return, "Oh, well, fucking my husband actually. Is there an emergency?" One minute and about forty-five seconds of utter silence later I asked, "Are you having a heart attack?"
She sputtered and said, "You're going to hell for that."
LMAO
\o/
We're meeting to get our nails done in about an hour. I have to wonder how I'm going to pay for reminding her that I'm not fourteen years old anymore. I think she likes to pretend that I don't even know what sex is beyond, ya know, an intellectual exercise. Of course, this is also the woman who told me when I was twelve during the "sex talk" that masturbation was better than sex with another person and that I'd be better off sticking with that until I'm FORTY. (kid you not)
"I've already called twice this morning-- what were you doing that you couldn't answer the phone when your Mother called?"
Now, in my defense I was still quite dazed from all the awesome naked-time so my response was more a post-orgasmic reaction than anything else. Because I said in return, "Oh, well, fucking my husband actually. Is there an emergency?" One minute and about forty-five seconds of utter silence later I asked, "Are you having a heart attack?"
She sputtered and said, "You're going to hell for that."
LMAO
\o/
We're meeting to get our nails done in about an hour. I have to wonder how I'm going to pay for reminding her that I'm not fourteen years old anymore. I think she likes to pretend that I don't even know what sex is beyond, ya know, an intellectual exercise. Of course, this is also the woman who told me when I was twelve during the "sex talk" that masturbation was better than sex with another person and that I'd be better off sticking with that until I'm FORTY. (kid you not)
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WOW
Date: 2011-08-27 03:57 pm (UTC)~L
Have fun at that! Hubby and I are going to a baseball game this evening!
Re: WOW
Date: 2011-08-27 04:09 pm (UTC)Re: WOW
Date: 2011-08-27 04:14 pm (UTC)It works!
~L
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 04:10 pm (UTC)Of course, you could point out that conjugal relations with your husband are sanctioned by the church, so you can't see why she would expect you to go to hell for it. And that you could have used a polite white lie, such as, "I was getting a pie out of the oven," but since she'd raised you to believe honesty is the best policy, and you always feel guilty lying to your mama, you told the truth instead.
Of course, this will get you in even more hot water, but... wouldn't it be worth it?
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 04:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 04:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 05:06 pm (UTC)LJ so needs a like button. c:
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 05:13 pm (UTC)I don't whom I (heart) more right now: you for saying it, your mother for dealing so well with her baby all grown up or CP for laying waste to your inhibitions so very thoroughly.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 05:18 pm (UTC)On the other hand, your mom is going to be SO PISSED because she can't tell this story to anyone to embarrass you without turning 19 shades of carmine herself.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 06:31 pm (UTC)also, hate to break it to you, but your Mom is never, i say nevah, evah, going to see you as anything but a daughter, and a young one at that. I learned that myself over the course of the last decade.Babe, it doesnt matter how old you are, to your Mom, you are always her baby daughter.
You can shock her all you want (and i somehow think you can do this pretty damn well), you can show her your paycheck, and pictures of your wedding (in case she forgets you are grown and married) and she will still, still see you as a baby daughter.
for example, while out with her today, if you did nothing -made no move-, would she pay for your manicure?
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 09:48 pm (UTC)Last time I made her play -- Rock Paper Scissors with me ;-)
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 09:26 pm (UTC)*smirk*
My mother accused me of being 'bossy' during her last visit Down Under. I nearly laughted my head off. I mean seriously. She made me this way.
Then again, I'd probably pay good money to be a fly on the wall when you and your mom get going. That nail salon should sell tickets today! There will no doubt be utterly awe inspiring levels of snark.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 10:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 11:28 pm (UTC)The fact that you are honest and outspoken shouldn't come as a surprise to your Mother. She really has only herself to blame for asking you a question like that in the first place.
no subject
Date: 2011-08-27 11:38 pm (UTC)Talkin Back
Date: 2011-08-28 12:01 am (UTC)(icon adoration)
Date: 2011-08-28 04:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 12:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 02:15 am (UTC)And I love the video as well.....
Kimber
no subject
Date: 2011-08-28 02:36 am (UTC)I don't remember if she ever asked us why we hadn't answered the phone, but I doubt it would have phased her if I'd told her; she's more blunt about sex than I am. There are things you don't want to know about your parents' sex life. That group pretty much includes "everything".
no subject
Date: 2011-08-29 03:32 am (UTC)I wish I could have seen her face. Spastic mother faces are the best!!!