WARN ME

[keiramarcos]

THE TOP FIVE WARNINGS I'D LIKE TO SEE ADDED TO FAN FIC:

1. Warning: Please be aware that Blair/Tony/Rodney/Danny/Sherlock/John/Steve/Gibbs act like a whiny 16 year old girl in this fic because I can't write slash unless one of my characters acts like a immature female. There is some crying and I totally emasculated him repeatedly. Also, I made it clear that I think the "bottom" in a slash pairing is clearly a man who wants to be a WOMAN.

2. Warning: I'm only going to update this fic when I feel like I've received enough feedback and my readers have EARNED it.

3. Warning: I like to torture my characters physically and mentally in ways that would damage them permanently for life and then gloss it over like it didn't happen at the end because I can't be assed to write a realistic ending.

4. Warning: I think John Sheppard's cock is MAGIC and it will heal all that ails Rodney.

5. Warning: I'm a teasing whore who plans to post this story (all 200k) in 1000 word parts for the next five years. My plot meanders, my characters actions will boggle your fucking mind, and I fully intend to make you so miserable and frustrated that you scream but my story is also fantastically addictive and you won't be able to help yourself.

Comments

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

::SNORT ::

Thank you GHOD that I wasn't actually drinking anything when I read that.

~L

[stargate-loon.livejournal.com]

*Two thumbs up* I agree!!

[popkin16]

I once read a fic that was labeled as McShep, and though there were hints that John and Rodney had romantic feelings for each other, it was actually OT4. I stopped reading immediately, and even if it ended in John/Rodney only, I won't read more to find out.

I was pissed. I'm very protective of my OTP.

[wonapalei.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've been faked out like that before too, in multiple fandoms. Seriously, people, if you label a fic with one pairing and one pairing only, that's the only goddamn pairing I'd better see--though I'll give you a pass on canon pairings. None of this "numerous lovingly-described sex scenes with other people before they realize their love (or don't)" nonsense.

I have honest to god read multiple fics labeled with a single pairing where all the sex scenes (which were, of course, excruciatingly detailed) were with other people, and the justification was that they were both in love with each other and thought it was unrequited. Seriously? Seriously?

[goddess47]

6. Don't drink anything while reading this list... you'll snort your drink through your nose and all over your keyboard.

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

AMEN.

~L

[alinora.livejournal.com]

*laugh* You've captured a number of my big ones here - #2 is probably one of my (least) favorites though. Write the story because you want to write it, not because you feel the need to feed your ego. *sigh*

[writinginct.livejournal.com]

Wait. You mean John Sheppard's cock isn't magic? ::snerk::

Now I'm resisting the urge to google for an SGA/HP crack!fic fusion where Ollivander tells John he doesn't need a magic wand because he was born with one.

lol... I'll just be over here having another glass of Apothic (http://www.apothic.com/).

[jessiecross.livejournal.com]

i would soo read it...once i stop laughing...
and now i jinxed it, some one will write it XD

[diayma.livejournal.com]

ROFL.

Thank you for helping me scare the Friday Night Magic people. I was laughing so hard a couple of them thought I was dying.

[witchy-kat.livejournal.com]

#4 is totally my favourite.

[ducky-red.livejournal.com]

I DEFINITELY agree with number one! I haven't found it as much in SGA, but NCIS fandom has a nasty habit of turning Tony into a whiny CRYING girl with a cock. So wrong.
These should DEFINITELY be adopted by many ff authors out there!
I'm still giggling.

[neeliemom.livejournal.com]

This was preceded by Blairbear the crybaby.

[auntbijou.livejournal.com]

6. Warning: I use spell check indiscriminately and not well, which often has unintentionally hilarious consequences. Keep all liquids far from the computer.

7. Warning: I've never actually read the book/watched the movie/watched the series, but I've read a lot of fan-fic about it, so I feel completely qualified to write about these characters, and will put them in situations or cause them to act in ways that will make you want to tear your hair out or cause my computer to spontaneously explode.

8. Warning: I like to get you completely involved in the plot, and will get you utterly hooked on the story, and then, when I can't figure out how to decently end it, rocks fall, people die, the end. You may now spork your brain.

9: Warning; It's a really good plot, and a really good story. However, I can't write worth a hill of beans, but you'll be six pages in before you realize it, because I had a really awesome beta. Thing is, my writing is so bad that she self-immolated rather than continuing as my ghost writer beta, so she bailed on me, and now I'm going it on my own, because no one else wants to touch it.

10. Warning: I write the pairing you like, and it's a great story. However, right in the middle of it, I'll throw a pairing in that is so revolting and just plain horrifying, that you'll have nightmares for the next six weeks. So for your Harry/Draco, I'll throw in Dumbledore/Filch, and for your John/Rodney, I'll even concoct a little Ronon/Dr. Lee.

Reading fan-fiction is sometimes not for the faint of heart... or the weak of stomach! Every time I think there's nothing else out there that can squick me...

[insanityoutlet.livejournal.com]

Y'know.... squick aside, I'd bake my superb double chocolate cake, and have my son make a triple batch of Wookie Cookies for the person who could write me a believable Ronon/Dr Lee.

snicker

[neeliemom.livejournal.com]

Number 2 makes me think of street buskers, telling a story and stopping at a cliffhanger until they hear the clink of a coin....

[syble4.livejournal.com]

Amen to # 5 !!!

[ladyeigh.livejournal.com]

Awesome.

[slvrbld747.livejournal.com]

God, I gotta really stop laughing hysterically at #5, because sometimes I am guilty of meandering, and writing slow. And yet, as I read it again, ROFL, I am a bad, bad person. -SB

[keiramarcos]

Acknowledging that you have a problem is apparently half the battle...

[timespirt.livejournal.com]

Bahahahahahahah.

I had a run in with the last one. The author started the fic like 10 years ago and only had one chapter to go before it was finished. She never wrote the last chapter (after posting like 25 of them) and went off to write in another fandom

[ladyholder.livejournal.com]

I would have screamed and then lit something painful on fire. That is just cruel.

~L

[ghfan-98.livejournal.com]

I totally agree with warning #2. But you know, on number 4, there was that dr that resigned his position this week because his comments about how semen had beneficial effects on a woman's overall health so insulted the female doctors in attendance.

[ghfan-98.livejournal.com]

PS. I was once kicked out of a X-files community because an author accused me of stalking and harassing her about a story. (I had emailed her twice in a 8 month period asking how the story was coming along.)

[merrygal.livejournal.com]

I want to add #6 Please learn how to write with proper grammar and correct spelling. It's too frustrating trying to figure out your story if I can't understand what your trying to say.

I so agree with your points. Sometimes, I just give up when the stories or authors use those formulas.

[nephir.livejournal.com]

*snerk* glad I'd put down the cranberry juice before I started reading.
I don't read stories where the author demands reviews or holds the story hostage over reviews. Twits!
Loved your list.

[nufaciel.livejournal.com]

Yes, thank you! These are some warnings I'd dearly love to see.

[batspit.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I was thinking of adding that. Spell checking and Beta's are for pussies and my shit don't stink so I don't need them.

Also one for denouement is for pussies. I'm just going to get my characters to the place that I find most interesting and then piddle away, even if that means leaving them at a cliff hanger or a giant plot hole.

[lydiakate98.livejournal.com]

So I actually am pretty easy going on the fic reading front but I hate 1000 (or less) word chapters, so number 5 is one of my pet peeves. I am a ridiculously fast reader and I have slow internet, so one page on ff.net can take 2 or 3 minutes to load and I want it to take longer than 3 minutes to read. By the way, which fic inspired #5? If it is any good I may want to read it despite my frustration with 1000 word chapters.

[yanagi-wa.livejournal.com]

I'd also like to see:


And last but not least, I'm going to be a total dick around chapter 46 and just disappear from the EW without warning leaving this a perpetual WIP.

Yes, at least ten stories that I've started have just stopped around chapter 50 or so, without warning or explanation. *sigh*

[quiltedlives.livejournal.com]

these are the worst! If it's dead label it DEAD not WIP. That cliffhanger at the end of chapter 48 is no good without chapter 49.

[adafrog.livejournal.com]

YES, THESE!!

[starr_falling]

I agree with this entire post. Especially the bit with the shark. :D

Re: 2 Every time I see an author say they won't post the next chapter until they get X number of reviews, I back button so hard that I'm surprised I haven't broken my mouse yet. It really makes me want to leave really detailed really rude reviews pointing out every tiny little mistake I can find.

[keiramarcos]

It's time like this when I really wish LJ had a "like" button.

[melonbutterfly.livejournal.com]

It seems to me that this is the perfect occasion for a rec.
Just, uh. Ticking all of the above warnings (EXCEPT FOR FIVE). Also, there might be a Mary Sue. http://myimmortalrehost.webs.com/

[keiramarcos]

Best Link Ever. It has to be bad on purpose. Really.